


Live for You | Minsung

by aigoo



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Fantasy, Friendship/Love, Lee Minho | Lee Know-centric, M/M, Romance, Time Travel, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:00:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22209067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aigoo/pseuds/aigoo
Summary: Lee Know lived his life for a single girl's love. Once Stray Kid's contract period comes to an end, and all the members decided to go their separate ways, he planned to settle down for the slow normal life, but everything crashes for the worst. The love of his life betrayed him and at the end of his path, there was only emptiness. However something happens and he is thrown back in time and given a second chance to start over.This is a casual story I started on a whim. I'm not sure where it will lead me, but let us travel through this story together.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 30
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Seven years have passed since I’ve been promoting as a member of Stray Kids. It was decided when we first debut, that our promotion period as Stray Kids would be a minimum of seven years. Then, at the end of seven years we would decide whether to re-sign or go our separate ways. At the end of our seven years, nobody could agree with one another. A few of the members wished to go into acting while others thought it would be difficult to do anything together due to Korea’s military conscription laws for men. They saw no point in signing when they would not be promoting as Stray Kids. I wished to say to them that I wanted to stay together as a group. But, I somehow didn’t feel I had the right to even speak of such things. 

It had been a lot of hard work and there were times when we cried a lot. I really treasured all the years I’ve been with Stray Kids. But, now that the end has really come, I realized how much I’ve taken my members for granted and how truly important they were to me and my life. 

I let everything slip away from me, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening. It was too late when I realized my own faults. 

I decided not to promote as a celebrity, but remain in JYP as a dance instructor. Somehow, I couldn’t work up the energy to restart my whole career from the bottom. 

All the years I promoted as Lee Know of Stray Kids, I’ve been in a very serious relationship with another girl. I won’t lie, 90 percent of the reason why I didn’t re-sign to promote as a Stray Kids member was because of her. She also worked in the entertainment industry like me; however she worked mostly in the production side as a script writer. She was a normal and average girl, and though we didn’t have a happy ending, I want to protect her identity until the end, so I’ll just call her SL. 

I honestly loved her with every ounce of my heart. Although she cheated on me many times, I forgave her. I forgave her again and again and again. Of course I felt angry and sad, but I felt I really couldn’t live in a world without her. She was just so important and precious to me. It was easier to forgive her and live with the pain, rather than trying to erase her from my heart.

I always lied to myself that she would eventually change for the better. That it was all a phase.

So, all those years, I put my members second and my girlfriend first. Since I was a child, I promised that I would always prioritize love over work. So, I missed all my friends’ important birthday parties and celebration functions. I always ditched out on vacations and camping trips.

I don’t want to brag, but Stray Kids in general was a very popular group all those seven years. We rarely got time to rest at all. We had the cycles when we didn’t promote, but we were always preparing for our next comeback. So, when I had any sort of time off, I always dedicated that time for my girlfriend.

My girlfriend however, broke up with me. I had finished my contract period with Stray Kids and I planned to turn a new page in my life and I would dedicate the majority of my days to my girlfriend. Then, when I got settled, I would ask her hand in marriage. It was important that I could do this before I went to serve in the military. However, before anything could happen, she broke up with me. 

As a member of Stray Kids, I was always busy. All those busy days, her heart had eventually moved on to another. She had been in denial about it as well. But eventually, she figured out her own feelings and she told me that she didn’t feel happy with me anymore. It’s been two years since everything passed. All that was left now was emptiness in my heart.

Somehow I felt so depressed. My heart and mind felt so heavy and dark. 

Everything in my life, is actually quite fine. I have a job. I have a house. I have money to eat. I shouldn’t feel unhappy. I shouldn’t be feeling any pain. But as I sit here looking out to the winter ocean, I feel pain in my heart. I couldn’t muster up any energy to truly smile from my heart. 

I felt so tired. I was afraid of heights, but today I felt like I wanted to sit high up this cliff side to look out to the huge world. I just wanted to breathe in some fresh air and clear my mind. Just then, I felt a violent push from behind me. I slipped and began to drop. Drop down to where? I don’t know. I waited for something to happen, but nothing happened. 

The next moment I opened my eyes I was standing in front of PD Park JinYoung of JYP. 

I was confused as to what was going on. But, my body was moving on its own. I wondered if this was a dream. This looked like the day when I was eliminated during the Stray Kids Survival show before we officially debut. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t think you’re ready to debut in this group Minho.” Park Jin Young’s voice rang in my ears.

Tears fell from my eyes. My body seemed to be moving on its own. It was like I was watching a movie. 

I was led to my own waiting room in the back before my last interview for this survival show. They would first finish the show and then interview me once again in a private room. 

Soon, my hazed vision and dizziness left me. I sat on the sofa perfectly alert. I tried to move my fingers first, and they moved according to what I wished. I looked down at my hand and saw a scar that I previously had was gone. I had been running around on stage, and slipped off during a live concert. I was okay and didn’t suffer any serious injuries except for a large gash on the palm of my hand. The scar had never completely disappeared since that day, but now it was gone. 

I blinked. I looked across to a calendar which hung on the wall. It read 2017. I gasped. I felt my cheeks. I pinched them twice, it hurt.

I laid down on the sofa and closed my eyes.

‘Fuck me. This has to be a dream. Wake up Lee Know.’

I chanted to myself. Someone knocked and peeked into my waiting room. I instantly shot up and greeted the staff member. I seemed to have traveled back in time, but my habits to properly greet others has remained with me. All my memories of the years I spent with Stray Kids remained in my mind. 

I felt nauseous. I was confused. What was happening? 

“Minho, please be ready for an interview in about 20 minutes!” the staff member came in and announced. I nodded and thanked them. 

I breathed hard. Oh god, did I actually get sent back in time? How was this even real?

I ran my hands through my hair. Oh my hair felt so thick. I frequently chose to be the member to dye my hair various colors and after seven years of hair abuse, my hair thinned out quite a bit. I forgot what healthy hair used to feel like and got distracted running my fingers through my hair. 

I mentally kicked myself for thinking stupid things and returned to panicking. What the hell is this? What the hell is this? What the hell? 

I paced back and forth. I bit my finger nail to coax my anxiety. I peeked outside and grabbed the first person to walk past my waiting room.

“What year is it?”

The male staff member stared at me weirdly.

“….2017.”

I gawked at him and let go. He quickly continued on his way down the hall while looking back at me with a worried expression.

I slapped both my cheeks lightly and decided to stop thinking about everything for the time being.

A staff member found me and led me to the private interview area.

It had been about two years since our contract ended. I never stopped dancing, but I was rarely in front of the camera after the fact. I felt my heart race. I forgot how much I loved being in front of the camera. 

I started this occupation simply because I thought dancing was fun. It looked so beautiful. However, soon dancing didn’t feel like enough, I wanted to be the person everyone watched. I didn’t want to just end my career as a backup dancing, I wished to be the one in the spotlight. 

Stray Kids has helped me fulfill that hunger of mine. I felt my throat tighten with emotion.

During my first interview, I was just a rookie and I didn’t know what was left from right. I somehow said this and that, but it wasn’t anything very memorable. I really thought it was over for me and I wouldn’t succeed in this line of work and just somehow muddled through my days. Honestly, I don’t know how I made it as a member of Stray Kids my first time around. I made so many mistakes and I was always so nervous.

I closed my eyes for a moment and thought of all my precious days with my members. After my days with Stray Kids ended, I lived everyday with regret. I missed those happy days when I worked together and spent my days with my members. I somehow felt if I had done just a bit more, maybe my future could have been different. Now that I think back seriously, the only times I truly smiled and felt happy was when I was with my members. 

I don’t know what happened, but I chose to believe that everything I remembered and lived through wasn’t just a dream or my delusion. I believed that I truly somehow traveled back in time. 

For this life, I will live, not for my girlfriend, but for my members. They truly did so much for me, but I never really gave them as much love as they did.

I opened my eyes and decided I will not hide my feelings this time around.. 

“Ah… I got eliminated. You helped me a lot, but I’m sorry I couldn’t meet your expectations. Channie hyung, thank you so much. You’re truly a very amazing leader.”

Channie had always acted as the team’s back bone. He never once complained or blamed us for our faults. He always silently led us forward. 

“Changbinnie, you helped me a lot during our second mission… hyung is sorry. I couldn’t perform well like you taught me. I’m really sorry.”

Changbin had been the one to always say my girlfriend was no good. He was always the one to listen to my troubled love life. He was truly a very good friend of mine. 

“Jisungie… thank you for holding my hand when our PD asked me to rap, I still remember it now. I was able to do well because of you. I wonder if I couldn’t do well because you weren’t holding my hand this time. Still, thank you.”

Jisung had always been there when I felt the worst. He somehow always knew when I needed a hug, when I needed someone to hold my hand. 

“Felix, make sure you continue to study Korean so that you can speak Korean fluently when I call you next time. You’ve got more charisma than what you give yourself credit for.” 

Felix would last through all the missions and then fail due to his subpar Korean skills. But in the end, he would pull through in the revival round. 

“Everyone Thank you so much. I hope you succeed in everything. Fighting.” 

I could feel my eyes water as all the memories flooded through my heart. To my members who I love so much. This time… I’ll live for you guys.


	2. Nut Cracker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the story rating from Mature to Explicit. I honestly don't know how far I will take this story, but it's highly possible. I'll keep you updated if I change my mind >_>;;. Thank you for all your nice kudos!

I used a towel to dab off my sweat after my morning run at our company gym. I walked to the locker room to shower. I walked over to my locker which was in a hidden corner and stripped off my clothes. I wrapped my body in a small towel and went over to an empty shower stall and turned on the hot water. The hot water helped to relax my muscles and mind. I sleepily closed my eyes feeling a wave of fatigue suddenly wash over me and so I tried to distract myself by thinking of the tasks I should finish today.

My mind wandered as my fatigue didn’t let my mind think straight. I randomly thought of the day when Jisung decided to join me on my morning jogs, that day he had opened up to me about the time he was harassed by an exhibitionist at this very locker room.

I cracked my knuckle. If my memory was correct, he told me it happened during our debut days. It would be a good idea to lure out the creep before he could attempt harassing Jisung, and then report the loser’s ass to the police or at least the company staff. JYP held a zero tolerance policy and it would be easy to kick them out of this place- whoever it might be. I finished my shower in a hurry and walked out without wrapping myself in a towel. Most of the people who were allowed in the company private gym didn’t use the locker room at all. The celebrities and idols already practically lived in this place day and night and chose to go to fancier gyms outside of the company. This place was mostly for the days when the company artists didn’t have time in between schedules to go out much, but still wished to work out for personal fitness. I on the other hand, found the empty gym quite nice and was a regular. I had always chosen to jog around the neighborhood during my debut days, but after I became famous this place had become my go-to. Habits died hard, and I didn’t really want to waste my time outside.

I was drying myself in front of my locker when I heard someone enter. It seemed to have been only one person. I calmly took my towel which was hung around my shoulder to cover my lower region. I never really cared about others seeing my body since I frequented the public bath houses here in Korea, but now that I knew there was a creep loitering around somewhere, I couldn’t help but react sensitively. I nervously fumbled around my backpack for my clean clothes.

I felt the back of my neck prickle. I gazed at the small mirror on my locker door which reflected the area just behind me. A man holding a mop passed, he was wearing the uniform which belonged to the cleaning staff. I dryly swallowed thinking I was just being sensitive and crazy. But I paused for a moment while my hand was inside my backpack. (Also, why is it always impossible to find anything when you need them?) Usually, the cleaning staff did their job mid afternoon or evenings when the gym was not busy.

I fumbled around my backpack for any sort of weapon. I didn’t even have a damn pen inside my backpack.

“Hehehe….”

I heard a creepy laugh. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled up.

The man who had come into this place stood in front of me from the distance and began to unbuckle his belt with a dark smirk.

My mind drew a blank. What the fuck am I suppose to do? Phone. Phone? Where is my phone? My backpack seemed to have become a black hole or something because I couldn’t find anything.

“I won’t do anything, just let me look.” He licked his lips.

Fuck, I cursed under my breath. I wondered if I should yell on top of my lungs.

Suddenly I heard the door open once again. I had selected a locker which was out of sight from the entrance, and I hoped whoever that came in just now was the owner for any of the lockers at this corner of the locker room.

I heard someone humming. Ah, a familiar voice- Jisung! Oh shit his locker is at the front.

The man who had his sausage hanging out paused then smirked when he saw Jisung open a locker far away from this place.

I was so shocked and panicked that I couldn’t think properly. I bit my lip. Suddenly my phone started to ring. 2pm’s 10 out of 10 started to play. It was my favorite song and I had it as my ring tone since forever.

The exhibitionist seemed too preoccupied with his own ding dong to care about my phone. He seemed to have thought that Jisung wouldn’t bother coming to this corner.

Suddenly a shoe came flying from the distance and the man’s peanuts was crushed by Jisung. I shall omit the explicit details since it wasn’t a pretty sight.

Jisung huffed.

“Ar-are you okay?”

I nodded.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

He nodded.

“He doesn’t look okay though.” I commented.

“Rightfully so.” He said with a huff and came over to me.

I shuffled through my backpack some more for my clothes.

He coughed, I looked over to him.

“Are you looking for your clothes? Isn’t it the thing hanging there?” He pointed.

I had neatly hung up my clothes on a hanger.

“Oh. Yeah.” I grabbed it feeling stupid.

I fumbled around trying to get the shirt unbuttoned. My hands trembled for no reason at all and it wouldn’t come apart.

“Let me help you.” Jisung said taking my shirt.

“Oh these are fake buttons that don’t open….” He laughed.

“Right.” I nodded taking it again sheepishly. Jisung turned around waiting for me to finish dressing.

“Okay, I’m done.” I said after awhile.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jisung asked concerned.

“I’ll be okay. I’m just shaken up a little bit.” I sighed looking over to the man groaning in pain.

“We should go find someone to take care of this situation.” I said to him.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He nodded.

He started walking off, but I quickly grabbed the back of his shirt.

He paused and turned around. “Yeah?”

“Er… is… is it okay to hold your hand? He creeps me out.” I said meekly.

We would need to pass by the man on the floor to get out of here and he seriously scares the shit out of me.

Jisung tightly held my hand. “It’ll be okay. I’m here. Let’s go.”

I adjusted our hands so that our fingers interlocked. Somehow he seemed very cool at this moment. I felt my heart skip.

“Wow. You seem like the main leads from dramas.” I commented snickering.

“Have you fallen in love with me?” Jisung joked.

“A little?” I laughed. I gripped his hand tighter and attached myself closer to Jisung as we drew closer to the creep.

“Fucking---” The guy on the floor suddenly pounced up to attack us.

Jisung used the same peanut crushing move from before in panic. I grimaced feeling second hand pain from the sight.

“And stay down.” Jisung held me tighter while hurrying our steps out of this place.

Once we were out, I let out a deep sigh of relief. There were staff members looking for Jisung not too far from this place, they were shocked to find out what happened. All this time, Jisung didn’t let go of my hand.

I didn’t particularly want to let go either. I was still nervous and scared and somehow his hand helped me feel better.

“Ah, I’m sorry. You have to go practice. Sorry, I’m okay, you should go.” I fumbled around and pushed him away.

He looked unwilling but I just continued to push him away.

“The others will be angry at you if you’re late.” I said shooing him away.

He nodded, though he looked very unwilling.

The same vocal and dance coaches from the survival show continued to work with me. In my previous life, I was confused as to why they would do so, but just blindly worked hard without question since I was depressed.

This time however, I used this time to really focus on improving my basic overall skills. I saw the members of Stray Kids pass by my practice room very often. I came to practice earlier than them, and left later than them.

They didn’t come in to say hi or bye to me. I didn’t blame them since I could see guilt in their eyes as they passed by my practice room.

I had given Felix a hint to practice his Korean more, but the future didn’t change and he was still eliminated like me. He came to me crying and bawling.

I just hugged him tightly. It would still take at least a year before Felix could fluidly express himself, so asking him to talk would only stress him out more.

“I’ll help you with your Korean so let’s continue to practice.” I patted Felix’ head.

“But, everything is over now.” He sniffed as tears dared to start raining down from his giant doe eyes once again.

“It’s not. Don’t tell me how I know. I can feel it in my guts. The trainers are still helping us one on one, so something must be up.” I said.

Felix wiped the tears from his eyes and seemed to be trying to digest my words.

“Do you think so?” He asked me.

“Why else?” I smiled.

Sure enough, in a few weeks time, Felix and I were called to JYP’s office.

Time flowed in the same exact way it had my previous life.

I sighed in relief. Though I knew how the future would play, I still had a sliver of doubt that maybe things would end differently this time around.

I had already changed the future by catching that pervert and who knows what kind of butterfly effect it would have on the future.


	3. Inside Joke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, this story is a work of fiction and everything is made up.

We had a horrible two faced manager during our StrayKid’s debut days. At the time, we were desperate to make a name for ourselves and worked hard to be fully accepted as part of the JYP agency family. It was hard to say no or rebel when our higher ups requested something from us. We had all been young, five of nine of the members of Stray Kids were still in high school, and rather than our team as a whole, we were pretty much obsessed about our own selves 

It was hard to worry about others, when each individual was having such a difficult time.

Our manager, Hwan, was very good looking and loved by a majority of the people of our company. So, it was hard to believe when we found out the truth of all he had done. He was known as a very hard working manager who had been with the company for over 8 years. He already had a very good reputation with a majority of the people of the company. If anyone had asked me to describe our first manager, I would have had a hard time trying to think of anything bad to say.

He was good at controlling our emotions and making us feel like we should be doing whatever he asked of us.

In such a situation, if any of us new rookies were to have voiced our complaints, I truly believed at the time that nobody in our company would have believed me. I thought they would simply view me as a rookie who caught the celebrity disease. Self obsessed and narcissistic.

“Minho, you really don’t have much presence compared to your other members. I’ve been watching you for so long and I know you’re more talented and charming than what you’ve shown the world. You can’t write songs like 3racha members, you can’t sing like Seungmin, you can’t rap like Changbin. But, you dance very well. You have something that others don’t from this team. But honestly, there are so many people in this field that can dance just as good, if not better than you. I’ll introduce you to some of our company coaches to help you out one on one. I know all you need is some guidance toward the right direction and you’ll shine so much. We can do this together as long as you work hard.” My manager smiled warmly.

Only now do I realize how frightening his smile was. How could such a warm and caring smile be so fake? He was a huge part of why, even today, I have trust issues and difficulty opening up to others.

“Oh? Did you discuss this with Manager Siwoo?” I asked him with a quirked brow.

Siwoo was our general manager who helped oversee our entire schedule and team, while other managers like Hwan helped us out with minor tasks such as driving, fetching lunch, and making salon appointments or hiring travel stylist for the day.

In the face of all this, he really didn’t have any power to designate any sort of coach or oversee any part of the training we received from the company.

This was all a farce. In the past, I had no idea at all. He was our manager, and so, I just assumed that everything he said was correct.

“Of course.” He smiled and led me toward a private practice room at the far corner of our company. This was one of the rooms that people rarely passed, and frequently used for these type of underhanded businesses.

Later on, all the private studio rooms had CCTV cameras installed, but at this time, it had not happened yet. I reached in my pocket for my phone and casually looked through it like I was checking my email and messages. I quietly pressed the audio record button and slipped it back into my pocket.

A man who looked to be in his late 30s smiled. He honestly smelled like cigarettes, though he made an attempt to cover it up with luxury cologne, it made it harder to breathe in this tiny room.

“In the future, you will be on many TV and internet shows. They will always ask you to do sexy dances for their show and service for the fans. However, since five of nine members of Stray Kids are still in high school, this task will be up to you. You must master this.”

“So, let's see your basic skills now so I can point some things out for you.”

I could see him trying to hold back a smile and look serious. I could spot a creep from miles away, and this guy also stunk of one.

In my past life, this was a very uncomfortable moment. It was so uncomfortable dancing in front of him in this tiny room. This coach frequently harassed new upcoming artists who were less popular so that he could receive lap dances for free from idols. 

I can at least sigh in relief that he didn’t dare bother with the minors in our company. I wouldn’t need to worry about the young kids in our group. My mind strayed as I let the coach’s words flow in one ear and out the other. Actually, he was just cunning and this was his method of skating around the law so that he always had a rope to escape from.

The coach pressed play and popular beats to sexy dance songs flowed. I did a casual sexy number for him. I planned to just get this done and over with. If I was already good, then he wouldn’t have a reason to bother me.  
  
Or so I thought.

“Ah, that’s not right.” He stood behind me and slid his hand down my thigh.

“You have to move this part and bend down a bit more. The most important is your expression. No matter how good your body moves, it’s useless with such unfeeling and boring expressions.”

Other than me, BangChan and Changbin were also over the age of 19, but they were members of 3racha, StrayKid’s main music song writers. They usually worked closely with the main producers and mixers, so it was harder to catch them off guard. They would have a harder time trying to justify these sort of one on one coaching sessions. I was considered easy prey since I wasn’t a main vocal or song writer, just a casual support vocal main dancer.

I could feel his hand trying to grope me as he directed me to do various movements. His face was also getting closer as he sneered and breathed harder.

I would have already kicked his treasures if it weren’t for my members. I inwardly took a deep breath and endured my rising anger. I couldn’t report him without proof of some sort. This guy would just escape and then move onto a new prey. These sorts of people honestly didn’t care at all about who or why, they just simply found an easy target and made a move to satisfy their own greed.

“Would you like me to show you how it’s like to feel sexy?” He laughed.

I honestly wanted to throw up. I wish I really did throw up, I wish I could throw up. Then I had an excuse to get out of this place.

His words were pretty over the line, but it wasn’t enough evidence.

“Well, go watch some porn and then we’ll continue again. Study their expressions and show me what you’ve learned. Do you need me to show you some websites which you could watch from?” He tapped his phone.

“No need. I need to go prepare for a practice session with some of my members now.”

The coach smiled and nodded.

“Hwan will tell you when our next dance session is. It should be around the same time next week unless something comes up.”

“Ah, Minho you can go first. I have some things to discuss with him.” Hwan said.

I bowed and quickly left.

I let out a sigh and pulled out my phone to end the recording. I plugged in my earphones and listened to check the quality. It was okay, but since it was in my pocket the voice was quiet.

If Hwan were to say it wasn’t him, then it would be difficult to somehow prove my case. I wanted something that would be impossible to ignore and fight against.

The sooner Hwan gets kicked from JYP the better.

I didn’t actually have any practice sessions with my members, but I really couldn’t take anymore of that.

I peeked into BangChan’s studio to see him hard at work with Changbin and Jisung. They were happily laughing while bopping their heads to some beats which I couldn’t hear from outside.

Jisung turned his head from the computer screen and our eyes met. He wildly waved at me. I smiled, he motioned me to come in with his hands, but I just shook my head and walked on ahead to check what my other members were up to.

The other five members were dancing together to some of our songs that we’ve been performing. I could spot a few transitions that seemed a bit rough but I just watched from outside for a moment.

For now, I wasn’t feeling very good and I wanted to calm down first before I went in. Maybe I should go grab some coffee for the kids, I wondered.

“Minho hyung?”

Someone called me suddenly, and scared me to death. I thought I would get a heart attack. Somehow I momentarily thought Hwan would find me lingering outside in the halls not practicing like I said I would.

But, thankfully it was Jisung.

“What’s up? What are you doing by yourself?” He asked me.

“Huh? Did we have any schedules right now? It’s free period, isn’t it?” I wondered starting to doubt myself.

“Ah, yeah it is.” He nodded and looked into the room I was looking into.

“Want to grab a coffee? I finished my ice americano.” He waved his empty cup at me while he poured some ice cubes into his mouth.

“Yeah, I was thinking of the same. Let’s go.” I unconsciously grabbed his hand.

It had been a habit of mine all this time. We somehow made it an inside joke to hold hands for everything. It would happen later on, and it had not happened yet, and I had forgotten. I realized way later while I was pulling him along and quickly dropped his hand trying to be as lowkey and natural with it as possible.

Somehow after I changed the flow of time, I began to wonder if the inside joke would become an inside joke again in this life time at all. Somehow, I became a little sad. The Jisung I knew in my past life time was no more. This was the same person, but different.

All my members, they were all the same people, but not.

Jisung grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop.

“Hmm?” I looked at him.

“Are you okay?” He asked me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You look the same like that last time. Did someone harass you again?” He asked me.

My heart stopped beating for a moment from shock.

“Ah, n-no.” I couldn’t hide my reaction.

“What happened?” He asked me.

“Nothing…” I said while looking away.

He remained silent and simply watched me without saying anything.

“If you hug me I think I’lll feel better.” I sighed and plopped my head on his shoulder. I didn’t really care he would be shocked. I was starting to get tired after all the crazy things that went on in my life. I traveled back in time, I helped to catch a pervert, and now there was another creep on my tail.

I don’t exactly remember getting harassed this much in my past life, or maybe I was just really stupid and blind to know people were harassing me. I strongly feel it would be the second reason.

He wrapped his arm around me and hugged me.

“What happened?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll let you know later. Thanks.”

I felt another person hug me. “What’s this? Let me join you guys too.” Changbin said.

“A group hug?!” BangChan cheered and came hugging from the side.

“Wait, I can’t breathe-” I croaked out but my words were inaudible from the sudden loud war cries from far down the hall.

The members who were dancing came charging down to us and joined our hug.

“What’s going on? Let me join.” Seungmin said in a quiet but shy shout that was very much unique to him.

“Guys-” I croaked.

The members who were dancing all this time smelled bad of sweat and I feel like they haven’t properly showered yesterday.

“You guys are really-” a smile wiggled onto my face and I burst out laughing.

“I love you guys too.” I playfully attempted a kiss at Changbin, to which he ran away, causing the four others on his back to get pushed back. I turned to face Jisung and made a kissing duck mouth to scare him.

He just smiled knowingly.

“Do you want a kiss too baby?” He joked.

“Fark you,” I yelped trying to break free from his hold, losing to his shameless jokes. I could never win against him. He held on.

“Will you tell me about it later?” He eyed sternly. I nodded. He let go.

I sighed.

Jisung somehow seems a lot stronger than I remember him to be.


	4. Not the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is not based on reality and everything is made up.
> 
> I do use korean for small parts which I feel is okay because it’s impossible to fully translate this part of the culture.
> 
> Hyung: older brother  
> dongseng: younger sibling   
> aigoo: jeez/ aw man/ oh my god/ etc changes depending on the situation and how this is said

Chapter 4

Near the beginning days of our debut, we were so busy and young. We had no idea how to properly take care of ourselves so many of us fell to illnesses very easily. We didn’t eat proper balanced meals, this was more so for Jeongin and Hyunjin who had school work on top of actual work as an idol. They would stay up doing homework and study, while preparing for our promotion cycles at the same time.

I really don’t know how they pulled through the period. I remember in interviews, they always said that their biggest regret was not having the chance to live out their normal high school student’s lives during their highschool year.

I woke up a bit earlier to help the kids with breakfast. I took about 5 minutes to whip up some french toast and bacon, then I sliced a variety of fruits as dessert and poured some orange juice for the two. The two of them usually had a hard time getting up and doing anything in the morning, so something sweet would be easier to digest while half asleep.

I felt sleepy and tired as well, but if I didn’t help them with breakfast, they would probably end up sipping on protein shakes or skip breakfast all together. I took the two breakfast trays to their bed.

“Hyunjin, it’s almost time for school. I made you breakfast.” I said softly and pat his cheek.

He slowly blinked his eyes confused, but slowly got up smelling food.

“Hyung? What’s this?” He groggily said.

“Breakfast before school. Eat up before you get ready.” I pat his head.

He just blinked and looked at the food like this was a dream.

I ruffled his hair and went over to Jeongin.

“Jeongin, wake up. It’s time for school. Eat before you go.” I pulled him up.

“I’m sleepy. Let me sleep, I don’t need breakfast.” He grumbled. He was always a grump in the morning, and it took awhile before he could fully wake up and return to his usual self. “Leave me alone.”

“Aigoo… C’mon. Do I need to feed you?” I tsked while slicing the french toast and bacon to smaller pieces for him.

I poked a small piece of french toast and brought it up to his lips. He slowly chewed it silently, looking a bit confused.

“What’s this?” He opened his eyes sleepily.

“I want orange juice.” He pouted.

“Yes yes, young master.” I joked and brought the cup of orange juice to his lips. He ate all the food while half asleep, not letting me leave his bed until I finished feeding him.

“Next time finish your own food or else I won’t be making you breakfast!” I playfully but roughly, ruffled his hair.

“Aah, hyung, I have school.” He complained.

“Get going before you guys miss the morning train.” I said hopping off to the kitchen to do the dishes.

“I smell food.” I heard Jisung from the other room.

“Ah? I only made some for Jeongin and Hyunjin.” I said popping my head into his room.

“I’m hungry too.” He complained while laying in his bed with his eyes closed.

“I need to go exercise.” I said feeling slightly lazy by this time.

“I’m so hungry…. I think my belly button is stuck to my back.” He moped burying himself into his blankets deeper.

I sighed and went to the kitchen.

“Thank you~” He sung from his bed, still not getting up. “I wonder if we have coffee? Ice americano would be so refreshing and nice.”

Somehow, the way he requested his breakfast was very annoying to me. But since the pan I used was still unwashed, it wouldn’t take too much effort to whip up again.

I complained in my heart, but still went through the trouble to make breakfast for Jisung. Though for him, I only made french toast. If he wanted fruit, he could cut it himself since he had the time unlike Hyunjin and Jeongin who had to go to school. I began to ponder about the other members who would be hungry as well. I made a few more for whoever wanted them. They could just heat it up again in the microwave.

I popped my head into his room once again.

“If you do the dishes, maybe I’ll buy you ice americano when I return from my run.” I sung.

“This is unfair.” he pouted.

“I guess no americano for you then,” I said without even a moment of hesitation while going over to do the dishes myself.

“WAIT!” He stumbled over to me in a rush. He tripped over his own foot and yelped.

I reflexively reached to catch him. Lucky that I was exercising, I was strong enough to break his fall.

“Good morning to you too.” I winked. “I know I’m good looking, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t pounce on me first thing in the morning.”

“Go buy me coffee, go go go,” He shooed me away from the kitchen sink, while blushing ever so slightly.

“Oh deng, you made me a lot.” He gaped.

“I made it for the others while I made yours.” I said.

“It’s all mine.” He brought the plate in front of him.

I shook my head and pat his head.

It had been a long while since Jisung openly acted spoiled like this with me. There had been an episode between the two of us which caused us to be quite distant for a long period of time. Jisung had opened up to me some time after Stray Kid’s third year anniversary. We had a period of time to rest, all the members of Stray Kids returned home except the two of us. My family was remodeling the house and I had nowhere to return to, and Jisung… just said he didn’t feel like returning home because he was lazy.

[ Flashback ]

“Hyung, I like you.” Jisung said. He swallowed dryly while looking to his feet.

“Aw, I like you too, my dongseng.” I hugged him and pat his head.

He suddenly hugged me very tightly and buried his face on my shoulder.

“I… don’t mean like that.” He spoke with his head laid on my shoulder.

I felt my heart freeze. I felt a heavy dread in my stomach. I understood him the first time around, but I was so shocked that I was having a hard time accepting the truth. I thought back of the past few months and all the moments he stared at me like he was an animal in heat. I chose to feign ignorance. I didn’t dare turn to meet his eyes. I tried to be low key and not sit next to him, or just ignore him all together. Even if I was going so far to avoid him as much as possible, I made myself believe that I was being delusional. I convinced myself that I must have been thinking too deeply. This belief had been set in stone in my heart, that I was having a hard time understanding what was actually happening.

“If you love me as well, let me kiss you.” He said in a low voice. “Sometimes, I feel like going crazy because of how much I like you.”

I felt my heart race, he was a very beautiful boy, and I loved him very much. But in panic, I turned away.

“Ah, wait Jisung.” I pushed him away.

He bit his lip, it looked like he wanted to cry.

“I know. I’m just delusional, and it was all just fan service… but I don’t know. I thought maybe... I’m sorry hyung, just forget everything please.” He choked out while backing away.

“You’re my dongseng. I love you very much. I can do everything for you, but….” I tried to calm my racing heart.

“Can… we kiss once? And then I’ll never ask or bother you again.” He gulped.

I froze. I don’t know what overcame me at that moment.

We both watched each other for a moment. He looked away first and tried to laugh.

“Ah~ you really believe my lie. This is all just a joke-” He began to mumble out. It was hard to believe this was just a prank because his voice was trembling way too much.

We were alone in our dorms and nobody else was here. I truly cared for him with all my heart, though I didn’t know if I could love him the same way he loved me. I pulled him in and I kissed him. I pressed my lips against his. His lips were very soft.

I won’t lie, I liked it.

I lightly licked his lips, urging them open. Since he loved me so much, the least I could do was give him a last passionate very hot kiss. He let me slip my tongue through, I seemed to have set him off with this, as he began to passionately and fiercely return my kiss.

I felt my anxiousness melt and my mind became a blur. My mind became pure white and I could only think about how good this felt. I let Jisung lead our kiss, and I let myself drown in this pleasure while wrapped around his arms.

“Nng.” I moaned as he sucked on my lower lip and chased my tongue.

I felt his grip around me grow stronger, I could feel his hand slide down my back.

My body lightly trembled as he lightly pressed his tongue against mine. I felt my body twitch and I was so scared of my own reaction that I quickly pushed him away.

“Ah, this is good right?” I asked while gasping because I was out of breath.

He nodded.

“If I don’t talk to you for awhile, don’t take it personally…. It’s just I’ll need a little time.” He said in almost a quiet whisper.

I nodded.

[Flashback end]

We never returned to how we used to be after that day. Which made me sad, but I had to respect him. Since that day I always felt so empty.

It could be how my obsession with losing people started.

I don’t know how or why he fell for me in my last life. But surely, that wouldn’t happen again?

“Anyway, I’ll be back. Enjoy your breakfast, I’ll make some for you next time again so leave some for the members too.” I pat his head.

He smiled very brightly. I had to inwardly hold my breath because he looked so blindingly beautiful.

He had bed head and should be the furthest thing from beautiful, but somehow he looked very beautiful.

It had been a long time since he smiled like this to me. He always kept a wall with me and I had to respect his feelings. Somehow, my heart hurt.

I turned to head out.

“Come back soon hyung,” Jisung chirped with both his cheeks filled with food.

“I’ll probably be out for 2 hours.” I teased.

“Ah, please hyung. I can’t wait for you for two hours.” He pouted.

“Let me leave before the other members wake up and make me go on a coffee run for them as well.” I said briskly and left without turning back.

I placed my hand over my heart.

“It’s not the same Jisung you fool. Don’t get ahead of yourself.” I shook my head.

“Don’t ruin this again.” I said to myself.


	5. Vitamin

I hopped into a free private practice room and shut the door behind me. This room was just large enough to dance alone or practice vocal exercises without bothering others since the room was sound proof.

Today, the three Jeongin, Seungmin, and Hyunjin would be busy live streaming for the fans until late night. The 3racha members would gather to discuss some of the songs they have been producing in great depth. Felix is with his Korean tutor.

I stretched my body to prepare myself for about half an hour of nonstop dancing.

Stray Kids only released the Mixtape mini album, of 7 songs. I put the music player on shuffle play and pressed play. The beats to Hellevator overtook the room and I moved my body without much thought. I let the beats move my body.

My mind was that of a trained vetran idol, but my body felt a bit rough. My body at this time was still feeble and weak and it would take many days of practice to return to my peak body condition.

These dances were a group choreography so there was a limit to how much I could practice by myself, but I wasn’t new to this and I’d been doing it for so long I can easily shadow dance with my members.

I’m not sure how long or how many times I repeated the album since it was playing on random, but by the time I stopped it was pretty dark out.

I checked my phone to see many missed calls. It was of my manager, Hwan. He left many text messages asking where I _was and if I was free._

_Hey, the dance instructor said he was willing to stay a bit later if you wanted some more pointers. I don’t think you have any major schedules tomorrow, so it should be fine?_

_Hey, where are you?_

_Minho?_

_Minho?_

I clicked my tongue.

I was about to leave a reply saying I was too tired, when my phone rang.

“Hello?”

\- Hey Minho! Finally you picked up. Come over to the practice room from last time!

“I’m tired, I’ve been practicing our choreography all day.” I said while patting off some of my sweat with a clean towel.

\- It’s really hard to get a hold of him! It’s been a long day for him as well so it would probably last no longer than half an hour.

Fuck. I cursed inwardly.

“I’m going.” I clicked off my phone.

I honestly don’t really remember how I was able to get that pest of a dance coach off my back my last life. I feel like he just found a new target and somehow I was free from him.

This time, I would need to have it stop with me but I was feeling quite lost and annoyed.

I wondered if I would need to start involving Siwoo, our general manager, but I really didn’t want to make it into a big deal and involve all the members of Stray Kids. They were still young and something like this is scary and would leave a lasting impression on them. This was especially the case since we just started off our career as professional idols.

We were all nervous and anxious at the start, though mostly excited.

I really didn’t want to ruin anything for the members with painful memories.

Would my members ever know what I go through for their sake? Probably not. Probably never. Though it’s better that way, I somehow feel sad.

I passed the 3racha member’s recording room. I looked into the room as I walked by, they seemed busy. I might have caught Jisung’s eye but I passed before he could respond to me in any way.

This coach, maybe if I’m a bit upfront with him, he would back off. But then he would move onto others and that was something I didn’t want. How do I get hard evidence against this man? Do I make him fall hard for me? I got the chills down my back.

I bit my lip. I honestly didn’t see any other way I could go about this. Telling anyone about this now, the other party would just claim I was making this up, and since I didn’t have any evidence, even if they believed me, the higher ups wouldn’t be able to help me in the way that I hope they could.

This was for the greater good. Someone must suffer for the bad to end. Life was so cruel.

I would play the hardworking stupidly innocent trainee that is blind to anything perverted until the man can’t take anymore and make advances onto me.

Without fail, I put my phone on airplane mode and pressed the voice record button. Hopefully he says some juicy things that would cancel his whole career.

Maybe I could bring up recording my dance moves for future self study.

I knocked on the door.

“Come in, ah Minho! Good to see you, how has my favorite student been?” the dance coach smiled.

I just smiled and nodded.

“Hello, thank you.”

I looked around for Hwan, “Did Hwan leave?”

“Ah, yes he left to fetch you just a moment ago. You must have missed each other.”

I always used the stairs since it was good exercise, and Hwan always used the elevator because he was on his phone a lot. It must have been where we missed each other.

“You must have been practicing all day, you’re very sweaty.” He commented with a smug smile looking me up and down.

I felt a chill like he could see right through my clothes. I just glared.

“You have to be careful not to overwork yourself. It’s easy to suffer knee and back injuries. Ah, I take some vitamins like this one. You should take some too. You don’t take vitamins do you? These are very expensive, take some of mine.”

He handed me some very shady looking pills. I just blankly smiled.

“Thank you.” I pretended to swallow them, but slipped them into my pocket. When the coach turned around, I zipped my pockets so they wouldn’t fly out.

“Let’s stretch before we start. How flexible are you? Can you do the splits?” He asked me.

“No…” I commented.

“Flexibility is very important for sexy dances, I’ll show you some stretching routines that will help you.”

He looked like he was breathing very hard as he said that.

Or, I could be reading too much into things. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy yet.

I shook my head, my thought process was already beginning to get manipulated by this guy. He shouldn’t be making anyone uncomfortable like this!

“Oh, can I record myself so I can refer to it later?” I asked him.

He paused and looked at me with shocked eyes.

“I have horrible memory and I really don’t want to waste any of your teachings.” I laughed nervously.

“These are my life long career secrets, so I’m sorry you can’t. I’ll be here to help you in the long term, so don’t worry too much and just try to absorb whatever you can from my training sessions.”

The training session went on as I thought. A lot of unnecessary touching and sleazy remarks hidden under the guise of tutorage. He seemed to try to feel me up more brazenly and did it up front now. He’s come to understand that I don’t make a big fuss and was trying to test out my limits.

He stood behind me showing me how to air hump. Lord save me. I swear I could see something protrude from between the man’s legs. He slid his hands up my arm and to my neck, bringing me closer to him.

“Minho, you smell nice.”

I don’t know what overcame me, but I used the peanut crushing move that Jisung had taught me from a previous event. The coach went toppling over and I ran out the room without looking back.

I busted open the door and was about to go home, when I bumped into someone.

“Minho?”

“Manager Siwoo?”

“What happened?” He asked me.

“Huh?” I blinked not knowing how to answer. I felt something wet roll down my cheeks when I blinked. I wiped the tears from my eyes quickly.

“FUCK! GET BACK HERE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SOMEONE TRYING TO HELP YOU?” The man roared while holding his bits and trudging out to chase me.

Siwoo looked from me to coach Kang.

“Oh coach Kang, I need Minho with something, can you excuse us for a moment?” Siwoo asked respectfully.

“Of course, of course.” He bowed returning to his practice room.

Siwoo led me to his own private office.

“So, what happened?”

I spilled all my guts to Manager Siwoo. I was at the end of my rope, I honestly don’t know what else to do at this point and I don’t want to be felt up by him anymore.

I gave him all the audio files and even the vitamin pill he gave me.

“And Manager Hwan was the one to set everything up?” He asked me.

I nodded.

“Okay, you may go. Don’t talk about this with anyone. I’ll call you again next time.”

“Manager Siwoo.” I gulped.

He looked to me to continue to speak.

“If there were security cameras in every room, things like this wouldn’t happen. At least not in the practice rooms.” I muttered.

“It’s… just something to think about. I’m not the only person who has gone through something like this. You can ask any of Coach Kang’s past favored students”

“I just wanted you to know, whether you believe me or not. I hope someone in the future won’t suffer due to his harassment.”

“I’ll be investigating this seriously, so put your heart at ease.”

The installation of the security cameras started that night. By the next morning, all the rooms had security cameras. Though a formal system was planned for the future, they had done a quick run through the whole building with a quick fix as a temporary measure.

I returned to my dorms and showered. I didn’t want to be alone right now so I looked through the rooms to see if anyone was back.

Felix was playing games, and he looked very absorbed into his own world.

I skipped over to the next room, Chan seemed focused working on some songs with headphones, so I skipped over to the next room again, not wanting to interrupt his work.

I saw Jisung in his bed watching youtube. I smiled and casually laid next to him.

“Ah, what are you doing? This is my bed.” He complained.

“Chan seemed to be working on some songs, so I didn't want to disrupt him.”

“Go bother Felix.” He tried to shoo.

“I don’t like games.” I pouted.

“I’ll be quiet, so let me stay. It’s nice being next to you.” I laid next to him while making sure not to bother him. I stayed in the most edge of the bed while trying to be as comfortable as possible.

“Jeez, do I look like I’ll bite? Come in closer, it’s cold.” He patted the empty spot next to him.

“Hehe.” I scooched closer and closed my eyes, yawning.

“You’re warm.” I mumbled.

He smelled like chocolate. He must have been snacking on some.

“You’re cold. Did you take a cold shower or something?” He complained.

I nodded. I wanted to make myself numb until I couldn’t feel anything, and resorted to taking a cold shower. I duno how long I stood there under the rain of cold water.

“Did something happen?” He asked me

“It’s okay now. Siwoo said he would take care of it. I’ll tell you about it later. I’m sleepy.”

Jisung pat my head. I smiled at his touch.

I forgot he used to pat my head like that from time to time. It felt nice, and I missed his touch.

In my past life, I was just concerned about his wishes, I didn’t want to lose a friend. I did everything he asked of me, but an unknown distance always remained between the two of us. There was an invisible wall that Jisung always kept with me, though I knew in his heart he cared for me.

It made me really sad.

But today, I could be next to him like we used to be and I felt so happy. It didn’t matter whatever that happened today, I was happy to be alive. I was happy to be here.

Jisung was here, next to me, patting my head like he used to.

If Jisung confessed his love for me again, I’m not sure if I would have the heart to reject him, regardless of my own feelings. I don’t want to lose a friend. Not again. 


	6. Warmth

Usually, I didn’t have much more difficulty getting up than the average person, but today the bed felt much too warm and cozy. My eyelids felt like they were super glued shut, and it didn’t help that I had the excuse that I didn’t want to wake the person who was sleeping next to me. 

I tiredly blinked my eyes in slow motion trying to shake off my sleepiness. In my half asleep state I numbly admired the beautiful male sleeping next to me. My eyes were drawn to Jisung’s lips like magnets as I dryly swallowed back. Maybe it was because I was hungry, but they looked like delicious cherries. 

This random passing thought made my consciousness snap awake. I felt my cheeks flush with heat. I chuckled silently at my stupid thoughts, they say one becomes more truthful and honest when tired, these guarded feelings I’ve been keeping in the depths of my heart had been rising up more often. 

I lightly poked Jisung’s lower lip with my index finger. It was soft and squishy as I remembered them to be. I felt a huge urge to kiss him, but I held myself back. It was one thing to imagine kissing someone, but actually going through with the thought without the consent of the other party was just creepy and wrong. 

Yesterday, I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. When I needed someone the most, Jisung remained next to me. He didn’t pry or ask me uncomfortable questions, he just silently remained next to me, providing me warmth and comfort. 

He didn’t tell me to go sleep in my own bed, or bother me at all. We just lazily watched Youtube and dramas together and chatted about meaningless but amusing things until sleep overtook the both of us. 

My thoughts tangented in all directions as I tried to think of every single excuse not to get up from bed. Just then, Jisung shuffled in bed, his right arm and leg flopped over my body and I was trapped in a loose but very close hug. 

Jisung frequently went to sleep with a huge U-shaped pillow and had a habit of hugging objects in his sleep. 

I remained frozen, all the while my heart raced in my chest like a rabbit running for its life. I should have gotten up earlier because now I couldn’t move at all, else the other would wake up. Jisung’s face was pretty close to mine, if I puckered my lips, and he puckered his, our lips would probably just barely brush against one another’s. 

A short imaginary movie of the two of us kissing played in my mind. Would it feel as good as it had the first time I kissed him? I felt so curious. Out of all the years I’ve dated my girlfriend, I never experienced a kiss that had felt like it had with Jisung. 

I puckered my lips, knowing Jisung was a sleepy head and I assumed that he wouldn’t wake up. Of course our lips didn’t touch, and I didn’t dare to bother him. I snickered to myself and inched a little closer. I closed my eyes, stopping this stupid imagination of mine and decided to sleep a little longer, all the while enjoying the gentle warmth coming from Jisung. 

Jisung half opened his eyes. 

“Morning.” He cooed. 

“Mmm,” I said, while quickly relaxing my puckered lips, feigning it never happened. 

“Jisung, your bed is so warm and cozy. I have to get up to exercise, but it’s so hard.” I whined. 

He quietly chuckled. 

I’m not sure if it was because of my wild imagination, but I feel like Jisung keeps looking at my lips. I teased him and playfully bit my lower lip. 

“I know, my lips look very kissable.” I puckered them, letting Jisung admire them.

It all happened very quickly that I couldn’t register whether it was my imagination, a dream, or reality. 

Jisung smoothly but confidently pressed his lips against mine. He had done this with so much confidence that for a moment, I began to doubt this was reality and wondered if I was dreaming of something stupid.

When I let Jisung continue to kiss me, he pressed his lips a little harder. His lips pressed onto a particular sensitive part of my lips, and I unconsciously moaned and mewled inwardly, unable to contain the good feeling bursting inside of me. 

My mind blanked and I didn’t want to think about whether what we were doing was wrong or right. I just enjoyed the feeling of being kissed. The warmth from his body rose and I wanted to draw in closer to him. I wanted him to hold me tighter, and kiss me deeper. 

But, just then, we heard foot steps from out the hall and we both immediately separated and feigned sleep. It sounded like one of the members were going to the bathroom. I heaved a light sigh of relief and opened my eyes again. 

Jisung also opened his eyes.

We remained silent. 

Suddenly, my stomach growled. 

Jisung snickered. 

“I’m so hungry, I skipped dinner yesterday, I’m so hungry my stomach is hurting.” I whined.

“Should I order something?” Jisung asked me.

“I’ll go make something, before going out to the gym. Want to join me for breakfast?” I asked him.

“I’m still sleepy, I’ll eat a bit later. I stayed up to watch ten more episodes of the drama” He said while yawning at the same time.

“Okay sleep more," I didn’t want to part from his warmth, but if I stayed any longer, I don’t know if I could settle down my body any more than I was enduring at the moment.

I slunk out of Jisung’s bed like a ninja. Though I had a lot on my mind, I fell asleep without eating dinner yesterday and I was hungry. So food shall come first today before I stress. 

The moment I succeeded tiptoeing out of Jisung’s room, I let out a sigh of relief. 

I whipped up several egg muffin sandwiches with bacon bits inside. I left some for the school kids and the other members while eating one for myself. I then grabbed some bananas and cookies as dessert. 

I had truly enjoyed eating, and so I had slowly mastered cooking through the years. I had mastered the quick and simple recipes. My skills were nowhere near a five star restaurant, but I could get by with home cooked meals for a good while if I had the time out of my schedule to cook something. 

I grabbed some cookies, tossed them into a ziplock, and threw it into my gym bag. I roughly freshened up, and headed out to our company gym with a light heart.

Though Jisung just kissed me, I don’t know why I didn’t feel angry at him at all. I didn’t feel disgusted like all the previous times the creeps hounded me. I decided not to think too deeply into this. 

We still had a lot of years ahead of us. Since he didn’t ask me about yesterday, I wouldn’t ask him about today. It felt like a fair trade. 

As I thought about Jisung, I was already at our company. I had ridden my electric scooter here this morning, and was able to squeeze past all the morning traffic and get here at the record of 10 minutes. 

After I parked my scooter and entered our company, the front desk receptionist immediately approached me.

“Minho, manager Siwoo is waiting for you in his office. He said he would like to talk to you.” 

“Oh, sure. Should I go to him now?” I asked her.

“Yes, I’ll inform him that you will be in his office shortly.” She bowed. 

I had been feeling good this morning, But everything in my brain felt like it did a 180 turn. How nice would it be if I decided to remain in bed, sleeping. My hands felt clammy and I felt anxious as I made my way to his office. I patted my chest as I climbed up the stairs and tried to take deep breaths.

When I turned the corner, I saw manager Siwoo’s office door was left open. He immediately spotted me and waved, closing his laptop and sliding it aside. I was originally going to give myself a silent pep talk before going in, but it was too late and he had already seen me. 

I bowed and entered, while closing the door behind me.

“Hi Minho, how are you doing? Have a seat. Did you have breakfast yet?” He smiled.

I felt my breakfast doing backflips inside my stomach, I wish I didn’t eat so much this morning. 

“I’m doing well. Thank you.” I said meekly and sat down. 

He smiled awkwardly, “Well, first let me apologize to you. What you went through must have been very difficult.” He paused to observe my expression.

I just nodded not knowing what to say.

“I’ve investigated everything, and again, thank you for telling me the truth.” He bowed in apology. 

“Ah, it’s fine… I kicked him before anything got out of hand… so nothing too bad happened…” I don’t know what I was saying, I just wanted this moment to be over with as fast as possible.

Manager Siwoo paused in silence. 

My eyes shifted down to my feet as I fiddled around with my sweater sleeve.

“Minho,” He said. I looked up to him.

“I know it’s unfair for you, but do you think you can overlook everything just this once?” He sighed and ruffled his hair.

His question caught me off guard and I couldn’t understand what I was hearing.

“Overlook?” I quirked my head.

“Hwan is deeply repenting and regretful. He has a sick mother, and I’ve known him for a long while and he’s not a bad kid at heart. He was just desperate for money. Also, our promotion cycle for StrayKids is just around the corner, I really don’t have a way to hire and train someone as talented as Hwan within such a short time period. You’ve been a backup dancer for years and you know how the entertainment business runs. Please, if you care about the Stray Kids members, I beg you to realize the bigger picture. Of course, I’m not asking you to let everything go for free. We will compensate you five times the intended amount for all that you suffered. I don’t ask you to forgive Hwan for what he did, but if you care about me and the members of StrayKids even a little bit, please overlook.” He bowed once again.

I opened my mouth to speak, in my mind I understood, but my heart didn’t allow the words of agreement to be uttered.

“Minho.” He called my name once again.

“If this gets out, not only will your image be tainted, all the artists in JYP will be tainted. If netizens lose trust in JYP, it will be almost impossible to regain it. I’ve already went ahead with security cameras in every practice room.” He stood up and then kneeled on the floor. 

I quickly got up and tried to pull him up from his knees.

“Please Minho.” He took out a thick white envelope and placed it in my hand.

I looked down on it, this really is a weird turn of events.

“Fine, but I don’t want the money.” I gritted out and pushed the envelope back to Manager Siwoo.

“You do know, I’m not the only person he’s done this to though? He’s a predator.” I argued feeling furious inside. “What about them? Use that for them.” 

His mouth gaped open, then he closed it again and nodded.

“We will compensate them well, but I still want you to take this. I insist. Use it for whatever you may need. If you wish, I can even introduce you to some company psychiatrists.” He pushed the envelope into my sweater pocket.

“It’s not much. Take it.” 

“I’ll be fine, but if I see anything fishy happen again, I don’t know if I can stay quiet.” I threatened.

“Oh, I’ve fired the dance instructor already. You may have a hard time believing this, but Hwan is a victim in this too. Ah, but of course that doesn’t excuse his actions.” He shook his head.

“No, it doesn’t.” I slammed the envelope of money on the table. 

“I don’t need the money. Just tell him I’ll close my eyes only once. That’s my limit.” 

Siwoo nodded smiling. “Thank you Minho.” 

“If that’s all, I’ll be leaving.” I said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  
> I'm having a lot of fun writing this story. Hur hur. Thank you for reading, and all the nice kudos and comments. They motivate me to write this story a lot. More than you think \o/. I've been feeling quite depressed lately but writing is fun~ I have so many ideas I want to flesh out, but I'm only a single person lol.


	7. Apathy: The Opposite of Happiness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TT_TT  
> Does anyone remember my story anymore?  
> I only have a mountain of apologies.  
> Thank you if you're still reading and following my story.

My body felt like lead from fatigue. I sat on the kitchen table while I sipped hot coffee to try and shake off my sleepiness. I relaxed with my eyes closed as I waited for my coffee to boost my energy. The bitterness of my coffee gradually softened with each sip and helped to sooth my tired mind. 

“Hyung, are you asleep? You should sleep in bed, it’s cold out here,” Jisung’s voice tickled my ears. He wasn’t particularly close, but the warmth in his voice somehow made the butterflies in my stomach flutter. 

“I’ll be going to the gym soon,” I mumbled pretending not to care and casually took another sip. The coffee wasn’t helping me as much today. Today my body felt extra heavy, and the task of lugging all this weight to work out for two to three hours was daunting. 

Jisung placed his hand on my forehead, his hand felt cool against my skin. I momentarily paused thinking it felt nice. 

“Ah, you’re burning. I think you have a fever.” Jisung tsked. “Don’t go out today, and just rest.”

“I need to go to the gym. Otherwise my face will swell and I won’t look good on camera.”

“You look handsome, so rest for today, I’ll call the manager to take you to the hospital later. You’re sick.” Jisung lifted me up off the chair in a princess hold, and carried me off to somewhere. 

Rather than anything, I was shocked his skinny arms could manage to lift my heavy body. I was about to protest, but I felt too comfortable. I conceded quite easily, and lazily laid my head against his chest. 

“My bed is cold because it’s by the window, take me to your bed instead then.” I whined. 

“Yes yes,” He said clicking his tongue. “We really need to fix that window, I hope you didn’t catch the cold.”

He plopped me down, and then I rolled myself into a sushi roll inside his bed.

I thought Jisung would leave, but he plopped next to me.

“You weren't on your way somewhere?” I asked him.

“No, I was just thirsty,” he answered.

“Do we have any schedules today?” I asked him sleepily. I couldn’t think of any work other than our usual practice sessions. If so, we had about four additional hours to sleep in. His bed was so soft and warm. My bed was a small bunk bed with a flimsy mattress, and it was placed just alongside a window. I could hear all the cars zoom past, and the chilling morning air always seemed to seep in no matter how tightly I tried to close it. I never found the bed or sleep appealing. I rested for the necessity, not for the pleasure of resting. 

However, Jisung’s bed wasn’t a bunk bed style and had a bit more fluff to it. The bed’s softness felt like quicksand, and soon I couldn’t even muster the energy to roll over to change my position. 

The room and bed was warm, but I still felt a looming coldness all over my body. My cold body unconsciously chased Jisung’s body warmth. I dug my face unto his chest so the cold wind would be blocked out. 

“No schedules for the time being other than dance practice later on. But Minho….” Jisung poked my cheek.

“Mmm?” I answered without opening my eyes. He forgot to add the hyung, but I was too tired to bicker with him about this. Anyway he was acting as my hot pack so I’ll let him slide.

He combed my hair with his fingers, I wondered if this was what my pet kittens felt when I pet them on my bed. 

I smiled for him and pulled in closer to him. I playfully twisted my legs around his legs, and made him wrap his arms around me. At this moment, I just really craved his warmth. 

I felt Jisung’s hand on my forehead, then his hand brushed down my cheek. I felt his thumb brush every so lightly across my lips. 

His touch felt so real. A flood of emotions suddenly waved over my entire being. Memories of my first life flooded to my mind, the way we grew apart. I never conveyed my feelings to him, I honestly don’t know how I felt. I never cried, and I never complained. I never got mad. But in truth, I was always very sad of the distance and wall he put with me. This sadness wasn’t the type of pain which would end with a moment of pain. 

It wasn’t like I was hurting in any physical way. I sometimes watched Korean dramas and the protagonist love birds would cry and bawl for days and nights. Then, after they cried, they would go on with their lives. 

For me, it was very strange. Everything in my life was going well, but I found it harder to smile. As the visual member of Stray Kids, I worked hard to maintain myself so I would not drag down the team. But every day, I somehow lived in a cycle of trying to justify everything I did. 

“Jisung…” I opened my eyes. 

“Thanks…” I smiled. I was so happy, but somehow I felt my eyes ping with pain. My vision blurred. 

Jisung’s eyes grew wide.

I didn’t know how to convey all this to Jisung. 

Perhaps Jisung didn’t actually love me all that much. After his confession to me, he seemed to get along with his own life very well. He made friends, met other girls, and sometimes even other boys. He ate well, and overall he seemed like he was always smiling.

Jisung would probably be confused. I didn’t bother to explain myself to him. He would assume I was sleepy and being crazy like usual and forget. That would be fine. This is what I reaped for myself after all. I only had myself to blame. 

I looked up toward him and drew closer. I drew very close to the point that anyone would think we were kissing, but stopped just before our lips could touch. I feigned to sleep and wondered if he would kiss me again. 

I could feel his hands trembling a bit as they hugged my back.

“I already brushed my teeth,” I smiled jokingly.

“So have I,” Jisung chuckled and softly met his lips with mine. I felt a jolt run up my spine. Heat rushed through my blood as he pressed his lips onto mine with incredible strength. I parted my lips to let him do what he wanted with me, and it seemed to have hit a wild animal instinct from within Jisung. 

His hands slipped under my shirt, and he started to do more than just kiss.

I squirmed a bit as my breath hitched. The slightest touch from Jisung set my body on fire. This was really embarrassing, I felt my ears burn hot. Jisung was so composed, and I was here getting hot and bothered all by myself. 

“Wa-wait Jisung, mmhn.” I held his hand from traveling further down my pants. 

If I were to make a mess in Jisung’s bed, that would be bad, I commended myself for thinking logically, and not letting my dick do the thinking. 

Jisung continued to kiss me not letting me talk at all. The sound of our lips and breath echoed from within this empty room. He wasn’t stimulating my dick in anyway, yet my lower half perked up energetically on its own. 

I tried to push Jisung away, but I felt so weak today. Actually, who was I kidding? My push was half hearted, and I didn’t want our kiss to stop. I was much stronger than Jisung, and if I really had the heart to, I could push him away very easily.

“Wa-wait.” I managed when Jisung paused for a breath of air.

“I…” I squirmed.

“I’m hard.” I bit my lips. “I really don’t want to make a mess here.” I said in a low voice feeling my cheeks flush with heat.

Jisung chuckled.

“Let me go to the bathroom,” I gently pushed him to the side.

“I’ll help you?” Jisung pushed me down with a cheeky confident smirk.

“HERE?” I hissed. 

Jisung didn’t seem to know how to respond to that.

“They’re all asleep,” He whined, sliding his hand down sneakily while massaging my thighs. 

He bit my neck and sucked on it, though not hard enough to leave a hicky. I bit onto his blanket and moaned into it. Jisung slid his hand under my boxers and my mind just blanked. All logic flew out of my brain, as the high of sex drowned me instantly. 

At this point, my brain in my skull stopped working. The only brain that was working was the one in my dick. 

“Sshhh, they will hear you,” Jisung cooed kissing me.

“Fuck,” I whined almost crying. “I haven’t done this in so long, it feels too good.” I said breathless as I clawed his back. 

Jisung sighed, “Fuck.... your face just made me cum.” 

I felt something wet on my stomach, but that was the last thing that mattered in my mind because Jisung continued to pump my dick and kiss me everywhere. 

“Jisung-” I hugged him and pulled him in for another kiss. I moaned into the kiss as my body spasmed and released.

I let my body relax and let out a breath of satisfaction as I pulled away from the kiss. 

Jisung was already reaching for a towel by his bed stand to help wipe me off. 

I raised an eyebrow while watching him wipe me down. “Did you plan all this?” 

“No, I washed up just now and it’s the towel I used earlier this morning.” 

“Is that so?” I said, watching him wipe me down with expertise. 

“I thought you wanted me to rest,” I joked, feeling awkward.

“I was helping you with your daily work out.” He said cheekily. 

“Wha-” I stared at him in disbelief. Was Jisung always this confident? The Jisung in my memory was never like this! Was this even the same person? 

“I’ll tell the guys you’re sick, want to sleep in a bit? You already know all the choreo anyway.” Jisung combed my hair with his finger. 

“That’s no good, it doesn’t matter that I'm good. We need to be good together!” I yawned and pulled myself up. “We’re a team, right?” 

Jisung smiled sheepishly and nodded. 

He put his hand on my forehead, “but still I think you might have a slight fever.” 

This boy. 

I paused just watching him look at me with the most worried face. 

In my last life, he never dared to put his hands on me like this. It’s not like he would pull away in disgust when I tried to hug him or hold his hand, he didn’t pull away. But at the same time, he never took the initiative to come closer to me. It always had to be me. 

Before I knew it, we had grown very distant. 

We stopped eating together, and became just plain co-workers. Then, the air between us became so weird and cold that I became afraid to approach him at all. Somehow, it felt like everything was my fault. 

I honestly don’t know what we are anymore, just friends? Couple? Friends with benefits? I don’t want to ask. My feelings were too mashed and confused with various memories from my past life and this life. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When we arrived at our company, we walked to the food court at the top floor 

Jisung left to meet Changbin and Chan for a quick meeting. I don’t know what they did together every morning, and all those years I’ve never really bothered to find out. Partially because I was always careful not to bother Jisung.

At this point in my life, I didn’t really need to becareful of that anymore, but old habits die hard. Going to bother the trio still felt like a huge hurdle. Plus, I didn’t even have producing skills or understood any of those jargon or technology. My specialty was dancing. 

Felix joined me at my table with his own tray of food. 

“Hi hyung.” Felix greeted me. 

I had my mouth full, so we just bumped our fist. 

Usually, he would sit across from me, but today he sat next to me. I didn’t ponder on this for long as I focused on eating.

“Hyung,” His deep voice tickled my ear. 

“MM?” I looked to him.

He just sat staring at me without saying a word.

“You’re gay too, right?” He suddenly said, I almost spit all the food out of my mouth.

“What?” I asked him wondering where he was going with this.

“Well.. this morning, I heard you guys-” 

I clamped his mouth shut. 

“Honestly, no I’m straight. But go on. You’re gay and?” I said with a tight forced smile.

“What? Who told you- I mean. But you-” Felix tried to say, but I glared.

“Jisung… is a unique case. I’m 100 percent sure that I can’t do that with any of the guys found on this planet, other than him.” I said in a very quiet voice, almost whispering.

“Enough about me, what is it?” I snapped.

“I….” He trailed. 

“I think… I like Changbin hyung.” He said.

This. I already knew this. I don’t know what happened to the both of them, or if anything ever happened to them, but in the past all the members had a gut feeling the two had feelings for each other. We never tried to pry and nothing ever happened publicly. I have no idea why I was suddenly thrown into the middle of this boy’s love drama this life time. 

My head hurts.

I waited for Felix to continue.

“Help me.” Felix glared at me.

“With what?” I said, feeling a bit scared.

“Help me not like him.” Felix looked very stressed about this.

“Impossible. Your heart is your own, I can’t do anything to control it.” I put my arm around his shoulder.

He slumped down. 

“How did you and Jisung get together, hyung?” He asked me.

I shrugged. “I didn’t do anything. Like I said, I’m not gay.” I smiled.

“Do you think I have a chance?” He asked me.

“No idea.” I started eating my chicken salad once again.

He started to dig into his own breakfast as well, though looking a bit sad.

“But hey, I’m here anytime you need help or need someone to talk to. I always love you, Felix.” I pat Felix’ head.

“Hyung, are you sure you’re not gay?” Felix asked me.

“No.” I shook my head.

Suddenly, I heard a clatter from the buffet center. We peered over, to see Jisung had dropped his tray of food. 

“Aiyaa, what a waste. He’s so clumsy.” I shook my head and continued to eat. 

I quietly cupped my hand, and whispered to Felix’ ears, “Make sure you don’t let our managers find out though. I don’t want to be kicked out of JYP.” 

Felix gulped and nodded.

“Eat your breakfast, it’s getting cold.” I tsked. He nodded.


End file.
